Why Self-Awareness Matters: Tackling the Ego
"Living out of the false self creates a compulsive desire to present a perfect image to the public so that everybody will admire us and nobody will know us." ~ Brennan Manning
Understanding our true self, false self, and shadow self has roots in many different philosophies and psychological theories, but it’s not hard to see how these concepts have profound implications for the way we live out our faith and identity as followers of Jesus.
The True Self
Our true self is who God created us to be. It is the core of who we are, rooted in our identity. This is the part of us that is free from the need to perform or conform to societal pressures. It’s the person we are when we live out of the deep understanding of who we are in Christ. The true self embraces authenticity, reflecting the character and heart of God.
The False Self
On the other hand, our false self is a construct—a persona we build up over time in response to cultural, familial, or societal expectations. It’s the version of ourselves that tries to meet the demands of the world, often in ways that are disconnected from our identity in Christ. This false self is what Scripture often refers to as the "flesh" or the "ego"—the part of us that seeks approval, recognition, and security from sources other than God. We are tempted to curate our lives, presenting a version of ourselves that we think will be more acceptable to those around us. But this self is not who we really are; it is a facade.
The Shadow Self
The shadow self, a term borrowed from Carl Jung, speaks to the hidden parts of us—those aspects of our personality and past that we try to suppress or deny. The shadow often includes our shame, our hidden desires, and the things we hope others never discover. Unlike the false self, which is projected outward for acceptance, the shadow self is the part we hide out of fear of rejection. It’s the messy part of our humanity we’d rather ignore.
The Problems with the False and Shadow Selves
Fear of Vulnerability: When we operate out of the false self, vulnerability feels like a threat. The false self is built to protect our image, and to reveal our weaknesses would mean losing control of how others perceive us. But vulnerability is key to building authentic relationships and trust. Without it, our connections with others remain shallow.
Judgment and Comparison: The false self thrives on comparison. We either feel superior or inferior, but never at peace. This kind of judgment distracts us from the unique calling God has for us, keeping us focused on what others are doing rather than on the work God is doing in and through us.
Control and Power: Living out of the false self is all about maintaining control. But Jesus calls us to a life of surrender, where power is found not in dominance but in humility and servanthood. The desire for control blocks us from fully trusting God and from the kind of surrender that allows the Spirit to work through us.
Resistance to Change: The false self loves predictability. It clings to the status quo because change feels like a threat to its carefully constructed world. However, following Jesus means constant growth, transformation, and a willingness to be stretched beyond our comfort zones.
Defensiveness: When the false self feels threatened, it lashes out with defensiveness. This reaction blocks meaningful conversations and prevents us from learning and growing from feedback. Defensiveness keeps us from fully embracing the humility and teachability that are central to following Jesus.
Entitlement: The false self often operates from a place of entitlement, where we believe we deserve special treatment or that our needs come first. But this mindset runs counter to the way of Jesus, who calls us to lay down our rights for the sake of others.
Avoidance of Responsibility: The false self loves to shift blame. It avoids taking responsibility, especially when things go wrong. This "scapegoating" prevents real growth and keeps us from owning our mistakes and learning from them.
Competitiveness: There is a type of competition that can push us toward excellence, but the false self’s competitiveness is toxic. It’s rooted in a desire to outshine others, often leading to jealousy, resentment, and a mindset where winning becomes more important than living with integrity.
Need for Recognition: When we’re living out of the false self, we crave external validation. Our sense of worth becomes tied to how others view us, rather than being rooted in our identity as children of God. This constant need for approval leaves us chasing after the affirmation of others, rather than resting in God’s unconditional love.
Over-Identification with Roles or Successes: The false self often attaches its identity to what we do—our achievements, roles, or possessions. But when our sense of worth is tied to these things, it becomes fragile.
You can download a free Ego Self Assessment HERE.
