I was reminded again this week that people talk too much. Why do we have such a strong desire to have our opinions heard? Even if our thoughts have no bearing on the issue being discussed so often we think others need to hear our input.
Being Jesus to other must involve the skill of listening. Along with learning to be present and learning to notice; learning to really listen to others is a ministry in need of resurrection. How can we know and understand the needs of others, if we do not learn to listen? I have discovered that a good way to begin to be a better listener is to learn to talk less.
Many years ago I came across an acronym that has helped me to keep my mouth shut when I long to speak. It uses the letters in the word THINK to form five questions to be asked before opening our mouths and therefore keeping us from listening. When you are tempted to add your side of the story, first “THINK before you speak” and ask yourself the following questions:
T – Is it true?
Do you know for sure that what you are about to say is completely true? Or is it gossip or hearsay?
H – Is it helpful?
Are your comments helpful? Do they add to the discussion? Do your words move the discussion along in a helpful direction? Do they add to a possible solution of a problem?
I – Is it inspiring?
Are your words inspiring? Do your words encourage and build up or do they tear down? Do your words “spur one another on toward love and good deeds.”
N - Is it necessary?
Are the words you are about to speak really necessary to the discussion? This question alone should certainly increase our listening to speaking ratio.
K – Is it kind?
Are your words kind? No doubt at times our words need to be tough and confrontational, but ask what is the ultimate motive of your words. Are you speaking the truth in love? (Eph. 4:15)
“Be quick to listen and slow to speak.” James 1:19
“It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one’s mouth and remove all doubt.” – Abraham Lincoln
Very helpful acrostic–and very true. Great food for thought. I always thought I was a good listener until I tried to consciously stop talking and really listen. I realized that like most of us, I love to hear myself talk–ouch! Thanks for the reminder!
Useful piece of input! Think all church workers would benefit from taking basic counselling training listening skills courses if available. It doesn’t come naturally, does it?
I have heard variations of this before, and I think it is very wise advice for believers and unbelievers alike. We are studying James 3:1-12 at our Bible study this evening, and I’m using this acrostic in our study.
I have also been reading The Forgotten Ways by Alan Hirsch. I’m only about 1/2 way through the book, but I really think he’s on to something. Thanks.