This week marks the end of the first year of being a foster/resource family. After an extended time of reflecting on the concept of hospitality and recognizing the insanity of maintaining a “home office” that was never used, (and the constant prodding of my wife Mischele) our family decided to convert our office back to a bedroom to be in a better position to welcome others into own home. 

In the past twelve months we have had over 40 different kids come through our home. It has been a wild, crazy, fulfilling, maturing, and at times disturbing and heart-wrenching journey. But, it has also been a time of much learning and reflection. Here are just a few things I have learned, or have been reminded of in a fresh way, in the past year:

There are multiple ways to be involved as a foster/resource family

In the past when I heard about a family providing foster care, I thought it only meant long-term placement. While we currently have a little girl with us for what will probably be an extended period of time, what we have been most involved with over the past year is what is called “PPC”, “Respite Care” and “Family Preservation.” In a very abbreviated version let me explain each.

PPC stands for “Police Protective Custody.” Simply put, we provide a safe home where children stay for 72 hours while the police investigate a potentially dangerous situation from which the children have been removed. In a few instances the children are eventually returned to the home, but more often they are moved to a family member’s home, and in some cases they are placed in the foster system until the family can get healthy enough to care for the children. This is short term, but it provides a wonderful opportunity to love on children who come from very difficult situations.

Respite Care and Family Preservation are both about providing “rest” for families (in most cases single mothers) and children. The difference between the two is that respite involves those children who are already in the system where the foster family needs a break; while family preservation works with families that simply need assistance to help “preserve” their families so they do not end up in the foster system. The selfish side of respite is that you can schedule when your family is willing and able to take a child into your home. This can be such a wonderful ministry to single moms who simply need someone to come alongside them, if only for one weekend a month.

The depth of brokenness is immense

Most of the kids live in chaos every day of their lives. Some evenings they don’t know where they will sleep. They don’t know if they will be safe in their bed at night. They don’t know who will be in their home in the morning when they wake up. Many times they are not sure when they will eat again. They wonder, does anyone really love me? Who will protect me from harm? Who will be on my side? Most of these kids don't know life from any other vantage point.

The number one issue, brought about by this lack of stability, for every one of these kids is FEAR. There is a deep and constant fear of being hungry, of abandonment, of parental anger, of other family members, of abuse, lack of control, etc. Needless to say, children cannot thrive when living in constant fear.

One additional thought on brokenness. In almost every single case (at least with PPC), the one constant for the parent(s) of these kids is drug use. In far too many instances the parent chooses the addiction over the well being of their own children. In some cases this means there are no groceries; other times it means the children are put in great danger.

The Church MUST get involved!

I believe involvement in the foster system may be the churches’ number one, greatest opportunity for influence in the United States today. The kids in and around the foster system represent the orphans of today (James 1:27). Not only are there countless opportunities to impact the lives of the children, but in many cases the system creates significant opportunities to speak into the lives of parents and other family members.

Identify the agencies in your community. Meet with them. Find out them most pressing needs. Enlist ways for the people in your church to meet those needs, not only by engaging personally as foster families, but by discovering ways to support and bless the workers in those agencies. They are dying for your help and encouragement.

There was a time I did not have the best impression of SRS (Social and Rehabilitation Services) and CPS (Child Protective Services) workers. I realize there are horror stories of people being falsely accused of neglect and abuse, and losing their children to a very rigid, difficult, seemingly uncaring system. However, our experience with SRS/CPS workers has been inspiring to me. Frankly, I don’t know how the workers do what they do. The church has a wonderful opportunity to be an advocate not only for the kids, but for those who are working on behalf of the kids.

We have been abundantly blessed

I can’t fully articulate how we have been blessed over the past year. That is the funny thing about biblical hospitality, just when you think it is about welcoming the stranger, for their benefit, you realize that it is you who is being blessed by the presence of the “stranger.”

I have learned that hospitality is a spiritual discipline and a missional practice. Both the blessings and difficulties of biblical hospitality are most deeply discovered only as it is pursued. In Radical Hospitality, the authors speak to the transformative power of hospitality on our lives when they state: “The real question is not how dangerous that stranger is. The real question is how dangerous will I become if I don’t learn to be more open?”

I have experienced this statement first hand. Having these children in our home this past year has open up my life in surprising ways. I look at the kids in our neighborhood differently. I look at children at the store differently. I see hurt and fear that I didn’t see before.

It has also forced me to face my own selfishness. There are some days we receive a call to take in a child who desperately needs a safe place—and I hesitate. I think of all the “important” things I have to do. But what about . . . ? Without my wife’s determination and compassion, I am afraid there are some kids that would have never made it to our home.

My prayer life

I pray often for these kids. When they are with us, but even more so when they leave. Just yesterday I prayed for two little girls who left our home to go to live with a grandmother. I prayed that God would keep them from harm. That He would not allow them to live in fear. I also pray for our own two boys.

I pray that they would see and appreciate how much God has blessed our family, and flowing out of that realization they would be quick to be a blessing to others. But I also pray that they would see the world through the eyes of these children. I pray that their hearts are softened for the fears and hurts of other children. That they would be drawn like never before to the plight of the present day orphan and desire to be a part of bringing restoration and wholeness into their lives.

The next Sentralized gathering will be in Kansas City this September 27th – 29th. You may ask, “Do we really need another conference?” Well we would answer with a resounding, “Yes” for three reasons.

First, we believe there is a need to continue to bring clarity to the missional conversation. Unfortunately, the use of missional language has become confusing in many circles. Some view “missional” as the latest church growth strategy, or a better way of doing church evangelism. Others see missional as a means to mobilize church members to do missions more effectively. While still others believe missional is simply the latest Christian buzz word that will soon pass when the next trendy topic comes along.

However, we would argue that those who believe missional is merely an add-on to current church activities, or perhaps even a passing fad prevalent only among church leaders, have simply not fully grasped the magnitude of the missional conversation. While it may sound like hyperbole; the move towards missional involves no less than a complete and thorough recalibration of the form and function of the church of Jesus. Perhaps even more importantly, it involves a paradigm shift in our understanding of God and His mission. By bringing together some of today’s best missional thinkers; we desire to assist God’s people in thinking deeply about God’s mission in the world.

Second, we want to ensure the missional conversation moves beyond theory. We want to inspire and propel the church to engage in God’s mission in life changing ways. That is why a significant feature of the conference will focus on practical engagement; through the stories and personal examples of some of the best missional practitioners around.

Third, the concept of “place” is a very important piece of the missional conversation. A theology of place speaks to the realization that God has placed us in a particular location for a reason. This is especially important when considering where we live—or our neighborhoods.

But the topic of place is also important because of the emphasis it puts on relationships. As more people are less interested in the programs and activities of the church, we must engage and create space where people have opportunities for meaningful conversations and deepening relationships. There are two significant places this can happen today. First is within places of neutrality, or common ground, call Third Places. The other is within our own homes as we facilitate biblical hospitality by opening up our lives by welcoming others into our homes.

All of this has influenced the way we envision the Sentralized gathering. We desire your time at the conference to be a wellspring of relationships, networking and collaboration. We want you to experience a place to sit and listen to one another.

At Sentralized there are no “green rooms” for VIPs to hang out. In fact, there are  no VIPs. Our speakers are only speakers when they are doing speaking. Otherwise, they are one of “us”. When speakers are not presenting a session  they will be hanging out with the attendees to visit, answer questions, and be a part of the overall Sentralized community.

To help facilitate this we have created “living room” spaces around sponsors’ displays and throughout the commons area. There will be numerous opportunities for you to cultivate relationships and exchange ideas, not only with other conference participants, but also with each conference presenter. We want you to have real opportunities to interact personally with each of the speakers. To have the chance to get to know the presenters and to ask questions that are applicable to your ministry setting. Here are a few comments about the “Living Rooms” from participants of last year’s gathering:

The Living Rooms spaces were one of the many aspects that made Sentralized the most helpful and encouraging conference I have ever attended. ~ Matt

One of my favorite parts of the conference was the opportunity to have conversations with several of the presenters. It provided a vibe throughout the three days that was very unique. ~ Bill

Can’t tell you how special it was to actually have time to ask questions of the speakers throughout the conference. It meant a lot to me to be able to literally hang-out with folks. ~ Michelle

If you desire to gain a clearer, deeper understanding of the missional conversation, but would also benefit from knowing how to engage your local context, then join us this September in Kansas City. You can learn much more about the conference here and you can check out the registration page here. Hope to see you in September!

The past few months I have been doing research on the topic of “biblical hospitality” for a workbook that my friend Lance Ford and I are doing with The House Studio. I use the adjective “biblical” to help differentiate it from what usually comes to mind when people hear the word hospitality. Most people today picture entertaining around meals or inviting family and friends into their homes for a night of fun and games. Some may think of the “hospitality industry” that includes hotels, restaurants, or cruise ships that work judiciously to create an atmosphere of friendliness and welcome. However, neither of these examples speaks to the richness of biblical hospitality, which focuses on the love of strangers by the opening of our homes and our hearts. When we understand the depth of hospitality, it is hard to deny that over time the Christian community has lost touch with the transformative realities of true biblical hospitality.

After a wonderful historical survey of the complex tradition of hospitality, including the words and activities from Jesus, to the Apostle Paul, to John Chrysostom, Martin Luther, and John Calvin, Christine Pohl, in the excellent book, Making Room, writes:

Even a superficial review of the first seventeen centuries of church history reveals the importance of hospitality to the spread and credibility of the gospel, to transcending national and ethic distinctions in the church, and to Christian care for the sick, strangers, and pilgrims. Granting that the practice was rarely as good as the rhetoric, still, we pause to wonder, if hospitality to strangers was such an important part of Christian faith and life, how did it virtually disappear?

Here is my question for you. When did we lose the capacity to give and receive hospitality? Why has it virtually disappeared from the life of the church and from those who make up the church? I will share in future posts some of the reasons I believe we have moved away from hospitality, but for now I would like to hear what you think. What keeps you from opening your home (and life) to others?

This post was first published on The House Studio blog.

Here is a post that was recently posted on the Sentralized blog.

In preparation for some teaching I was doing, I recently revisited Dan Kimball’s book, They Like Jesus but Not the Church. One section of the book that I think is helpful (and amusing in a sad kind of way) is titled “The Transformation from Excited Missionary into Citizen of the Bubble.” In this section of the book, Kimball shares his observation concerning what happens to many believers as they “mature” in their Christian walk.

Be sure to mark your calendars now for the Sentralized 2012 gathering in Kansas City this September 27th-29th. We will once again be hosting some of the best missional thinkers and practitioners in the world.

Come spend time with and learn from Alan and Deb Hirsch, Michael Frost, Neil Cole, Hugh Halter, Dan Kimball, Darryl Gardiner, Scot McKnight, David Fitch, Sherry and Geoff Maddock, Lance Ford, Jo Saxton, Mike Breen, Kim Hammond, Brian Sanders, Steve Lutz, Mindy Caliguire, Paul Aung, Yemi Mobilade, and Guy Pfanz.

We will be offering multiple main sessions, over 30 breakout sessions, and significant "living room" times to network and connect with all the presenters. All the details will be available on the new Sentralized website in just a couple of weeks, but in the meantime mark your calendar and plan on joining us in KC this September!

When considering what it will take for an existing congregation to move in a missional direction, I believe one of the key starting points is to begin with discipleship, or spiritual formation. Now having said that, I also believe we have to be careful not to think it is a purely linear process.

In other words we need to realize that we can’t, or shouldn’t, see discipleship as something that has to be “complete” before we engage in God’s mission. I would much rather view the process as a cycle of discipleship and mission, where intentional apprenticeship to Jesus (discipleship) leads to mission and mission compels us to intentional apprenticeship (discipleship).

The main point that I want to make here, however, is that we cannot neglect the formation to Christlikeness if we are to be a sent, missionary people.

I was humbled to discover recently that Len Hjalmarson quoted from one of my blog posts on this topic in his and Roger Holland’s excellent new book titled Missional Spirituality:

God calls the church to be a sent community of people who no longer live for themselves but instead live to participate with Him in His redemptive purposes. However, people will have neither the passion nor the strength to live as a counter cultural society for the sake of others if they are not transformed by the way of Jesus. If the church is to “go and be” then we must make certain that we are a Spirit formed community that has the spiritual capacity to impact the lives of others.

How do you understand the interplay between discipleship and missional living? What do you do to ensure that you have the passion and the strength to live for the sake of others?

We cannot in all good conscience obey your unjust laws, because noncooperation with evil is as much a moral obligation as is cooperation with good. Throw us in jail, and we shall still love you. Bomb our homes and threaten our children, and we shall still love you. Send your hooded perpetrators of violence into our community at the midnight hour and beat us and leave us half dead, and we shall still love you. But be ye assured that we will wear you down by our capacity to suffer. One day we shall win freedom, but not only for ourselves. We shall so appeal to your heart and conscience that we shall win you in the process, and our victory will be a double victory. . . .

Now there is a final reason I think that Jesus says, “Love your enemies.” It is this: that love has within it a redemptive power. And there is a power there that eventually transforms individuals. That’s why Jesus says, “Love your enemies.” Because if you hate your enemies, you have no way to redeem and to transform your enemies. But if you love your enemies, you will discover that at the very root of love is the power of redemption.

– Martin Luther King, Jr., “Loving Your Enemies”, 17 November 1957, Dexter Avenue Baptist Church, Montgomery Alabama

Join us for a one day seminar surrounding the topic of church and mission with Hugh Halter. Hugh was a speaker at the recent Sentralized Conference here in Kansas City. He is the national director of Missio, a ministry team committed to training, developing, and apprenticing Incarnational leaders for the church. Within Missio, Hugh co-directs the MCAP, an online collaborative training environment for Incarnational leaders, pastors, and church planters. Hugh is also lead architect of Adullum, a local movement of missional communities in Denver, CO. Hugh is co-author of The Tangible Kingdom, and the accompanying Tangible Kingdom Primer, as well as AND…The Gathered & Scattered Church and His latest book Sacrilege.

The seminar will be held on Tuesday, February 7th from 9:00am to 3:00pm. The cost of the one day is $29, which will include lunch. We will be meeting at Westside Family Church, at 8500 Woodsonia Drive, Lenexa, KS. You can register at Eventbrite here.