This week marks the end of the first year of being a foster/resource family. After an extended time of reflecting on the concept of hospitality and recognizing the insanity of maintaining a “home office” that was never used, (and the constant prodding of my wife Mischele) our family decided to convert our office back to a bedroom to be in a better position to welcome others into own home. 

In the past twelve months we have had over 40 different kids come through our home. It has been a wild, crazy, fulfilling, maturing, and at times disturbing and heart-wrenching journey. But, it has also been a time of much learning and reflection. Here are just a few things I have learned, or have been reminded of in a fresh way, in the past year:

There are multiple ways to be involved as a foster/resource family

In the past when I heard about a family providing foster care, I thought it only meant long-term placement. While we currently have a little girl with us for what will probably be an extended period of time, what we have been most involved with over the past year is what is called “PPC”, “Respite Care” and “Family Preservation.” In a very abbreviated version let me explain each.

PPC stands for “Police Protective Custody.” Simply put, we provide a safe home where children stay for 72 hours while the police investigate a potentially dangerous situation from which the children have been removed. In a few instances the children are eventually returned to the home, but more often they are moved to a family member’s home, and in some cases they are placed in the foster system until the family can get healthy enough to care for the children. This is short term, but it provides a wonderful opportunity to love on children who come from very difficult situations.

Respite Care and Family Preservation are both about providing “rest” for families (in most cases single mothers) and children. The difference between the two is that respite involves those children who are already in the system where the foster family needs a break; while family preservation works with families that simply need assistance to help “preserve” their families so they do not end up in the foster system. The selfish side of respite is that you can schedule when your family is willing and able to take a child into your home. This can be such a wonderful ministry to single moms who simply need someone to come alongside them, if only for one weekend a month.

The depth of brokenness is immense

Most of the kids live in chaos every day of their lives. Some evenings they don’t know where they will sleep. They don’t know if they will be safe in their bed at night. They don’t know who will be in their home in the morning when they wake up. Many times they are not sure when they will eat again. They wonder, does anyone really love me? Who will protect me from harm? Who will be on my side? Most of these kids don't know life from any other vantage point.

The number one issue, brought about by this lack of stability, for every one of these kids is FEAR. There is a deep and constant fear of being hungry, of abandonment, of parental anger, of other family members, of abuse, lack of control, etc. Needless to say, children cannot thrive when living in constant fear.

One additional thought on brokenness. In almost every single case (at least with PPC), the one constant for the parent(s) of these kids is drug use. In far too many instances the parent chooses the addiction over the well being of their own children. In some cases this means there are no groceries; other times it means the children are put in great danger.

The Church MUST get involved!

I believe involvement in the foster system may be the churches’ number one, greatest opportunity for influence in the United States today. The kids in and around the foster system represent the orphans of today (James 1:27). Not only are there countless opportunities to impact the lives of the children, but in many cases the system creates significant opportunities to speak into the lives of parents and other family members.

Identify the agencies in your community. Meet with them. Find out them most pressing needs. Enlist ways for the people in your church to meet those needs, not only by engaging personally as foster families, but by discovering ways to support and bless the workers in those agencies. They are dying for your help and encouragement.

There was a time I did not have the best impression of SRS (Social and Rehabilitation Services) and CPS (Child Protective Services) workers. I realize there are horror stories of people being falsely accused of neglect and abuse, and losing their children to a very rigid, difficult, seemingly uncaring system. However, our experience with SRS/CPS workers has been inspiring to me. Frankly, I don’t know how the workers do what they do. The church has a wonderful opportunity to be an advocate not only for the kids, but for those who are working on behalf of the kids.

We have been abundantly blessed

I can’t fully articulate how we have been blessed over the past year. That is the funny thing about biblical hospitality, just when you think it is about welcoming the stranger, for their benefit, you realize that it is you who is being blessed by the presence of the “stranger.”

I have learned that hospitality is a spiritual discipline and a missional practice. Both the blessings and difficulties of biblical hospitality are most deeply discovered only as it is pursued. In Radical Hospitality, the authors speak to the transformative power of hospitality on our lives when they state: “The real question is not how dangerous that stranger is. The real question is how dangerous will I become if I don’t learn to be more open?”

I have experienced this statement first hand. Having these children in our home this past year has open up my life in surprising ways. I look at the kids in our neighborhood differently. I look at children at the store differently. I see hurt and fear that I didn’t see before.

It has also forced me to face my own selfishness. There are some days we receive a call to take in a child who desperately needs a safe place—and I hesitate. I think of all the “important” things I have to do. But what about . . . ? Without my wife’s determination and compassion, I am afraid there are some kids that would have never made it to our home.

My prayer life

I pray often for these kids. When they are with us, but even more so when they leave. Just yesterday I prayed for two little girls who left our home to go to live with a grandmother. I prayed that God would keep them from harm. That He would not allow them to live in fear. I also pray for our own two boys.

I pray that they would see and appreciate how much God has blessed our family, and flowing out of that realization they would be quick to be a blessing to others. But I also pray that they would see the world through the eyes of these children. I pray that their hearts are softened for the fears and hurts of other children. That they would be drawn like never before to the plight of the present day orphan and desire to be a part of bringing restoration and wholeness into their lives.

The past few months I have been doing research on the topic of “biblical hospitality” for a workbook that my friend Lance Ford and I are doing with The House Studio. I use the adjective “biblical” to help differentiate it from what usually comes to mind when people hear the word hospitality. Most people today picture entertaining around meals or inviting family and friends into their homes for a night of fun and games. Some may think of the “hospitality industry” that includes hotels, restaurants, or cruise ships that work judiciously to create an atmosphere of friendliness and welcome. However, neither of these examples speaks to the richness of biblical hospitality, which focuses on the love of strangers by the opening of our homes and our hearts. When we understand the depth of hospitality, it is hard to deny that over time the Christian community has lost touch with the transformative realities of true biblical hospitality.

After a wonderful historical survey of the complex tradition of hospitality, including the words and activities from Jesus, to the Apostle Paul, to John Chrysostom, Martin Luther, and John Calvin, Christine Pohl, in the excellent book, Making Room, writes:

Even a superficial review of the first seventeen centuries of church history reveals the importance of hospitality to the spread and credibility of the gospel, to transcending national and ethic distinctions in the church, and to Christian care for the sick, strangers, and pilgrims. Granting that the practice was rarely as good as the rhetoric, still, we pause to wonder, if hospitality to strangers was such an important part of Christian faith and life, how did it virtually disappear?

Here is my question for you. When did we lose the capacity to give and receive hospitality? Why has it virtually disappeared from the life of the church and from those who make up the church? I will share in future posts some of the reasons I believe we have moved away from hospitality, but for now I would like to hear what you think. What keeps you from opening your home (and life) to others?

This post was first published on The House Studio blog.

Here is one recent quote I found helpful on the topic of the need for hospitality to be natural, or casual.

Jesus’ hospitality to the displaced and distressed was not calculated but casual. It is as though Jesus lived his life as a type of present participle: as he was going. Jesus saw. It is this casualness that undercuts much of what goes by the name of Christian hospitality today. The churches of the country continue to promote program after program, and call committee after committee, to care for the poor, the naked, and the hungry. There is merit, of course, in organization. There is something good to be done by working together. But these efforts, as noble as they are, begin in process of institutionalizing care. When that happens, our ability to see the stranger “as we are going,” is eroded. Clothing and feeding, welcoming and visiting, become agendas. By adopting the vision of Jesus, by seeing as and how Jesus sees, our inclination toward hospitality will become natural and unforced. Hospitality ought to be ad hoc and personal.

~ I Was a Stranger: A Christian Theology of Hospitality  by Arthur Sutherland

Following is an excerpt from the book Untamed, which Deb wrote along with her husband Alan Hirsch. It speaks to a portion of her talk from last week:

Part of the problem is that the church has now taken the family to be the frontier in its stand against the eroding forces of secularizing culture. In many ways this is right — the family is eroding — but the problem is that we find ourselves defending a non-biblical idea of the family! It’s not hard to see how this is absolutely disastrous from a missional perspective. Our families and our homes should be places where people can experience a foretaste of heaven, where the church is rightly viewed as a community of the redeemed from all walks of life. Instead, our fears restrict us from letting go of the control and safety we have spent years cultivating. But as Scott Bader-Saye notes, an ethic based on personal security produces a skewed moral vision. Any sense of personal obligation is tapered down to exclude anything beyond “me and my family.” This culture of fear is totally inconsistent with Jesus’s redemptive vision of the kingdom of God.

The problem is that, by and large, our churches and church leaders are not challenging us to get beyond this captivity. In fact, they end up catering to it by justifying it on biblical grounds. The so-called “family church” usually assumes the very narrow understanding of the nuclear family and gives it theological legitimacy. But the way the Bible conceives the term family and the way we see it are worlds apart.

Later in the chapter, Deb quotes Janet Fishburn, from her book Confronting the Idolatry of Family: A New Vision for the Household of God:

Where a domesticated piety dominates, or where the concerns of the nuclear family become the focus of a church, the conservation of middle-class ideals can blind both leaders and people to the prominent concern for social justice found in the Bible. And even when leaders are committed to seeking social justice, they have not been able to sustain a legitimate critique of poverty and injustice in America because the family ideals of the American Dream continue to be linked to democratic values and economic stability. . . . Uncritical loyalty to “the family pew” makes it very difficult to see or comprehend the plight of the poor and the homeless and the oppression of minority persons, as anything but their own fault.

Question: How would broadening your understanding of the family change the way you live? How would it change the way your church operates? What would it take for you to “open the doors of your home?”

There is less than four two weeks 2 days until the kick off of the Sentralized conference on September 29th. It will begin with a book release party on Thursday night featuring both Michael Frost’s new book, “The Road to Missional” and Hugh Halter’s “Sacrilege.” You can now take a look at the rest of the conference schedule, as well as specific titles for each talk here.

I believe this conference is going to play a significant role in the ongoing missional conversation in the United States. There are essentially three reasons we have taken the time and effort to put Sentralized together.

First, we believe there is a continual need to bring clarity to missional language and concepts. Unfortunately, the use of missional terminology has become confusing in many circles. Some view “missional” as the latest church growth strategy, or a better way of doing evangelism. Others see missional as a means to mobilize church members to domissions more effectively. Still others believe missional is simply the latest Christian buzz word that will soon pass when the next trendy topic comes along.

However, we would argue that those who believe missional is merely an add-on to current church activities, or perhaps a passing fad prevalent only among church leaders, have simply not fully grasped the magnitude of the missional conversation. While it may sound like hyperbole; the move towards missional involves no less than a complete and thorough recalibration of our understanding of God’s mission, as well as the form and function of His church. By bringing together many of today’s best missional thinkers, we want to challenge God’s people to critically consider the significance of missional concepts and principles.

Second, we want to ensure the missional conversation moves beyond theory. We want to inspire and propel the people of God to engage His mission in life changing ways. That is why a considerable portion of the conference will focus on practical engagement; through the stories and personal examples of some of the best missional practitioners from around the country.

Third, we desire Sentralized to be a wellspring of relationships, networking and collaboration. To help this take place we have created “living room” spaces around sponsors’ displays and throughout the commons area. There will be numerous opportunities for you to cultivate relationships and exchange ideas, not only with other conference participants, but with each conference presenter. We want you to have real opportunities to interact personally with each of the speakers. To have the chance to get to know the presenters and to ask questions that are applicable to your ministry setting.

Hope to see you later this month.

We are not just to receive the stranger when he comes to us, but actually to enquire after, and look carefully for, strangers, to pursue them and search them out everywhere, lest perchance somewhere they may sit in the streets or lie without a roof over their heads.

I am very excited to share some details about a conference scheduled for this September here in Kansas City. I believe the Sentralized Conference is going to play a significant role in the ongoing missional conversation in the United States.

There were at least two major reasons for organizing a conference like Sentralized. First, we believed there is a need to continue to bring clarity to the missional conversation. Even with the considerable amount of writing and dialog around missional concepts over the past decade, the use of missional terminology remains confusing in many circles. Unfortunately some view “missional” as the latest church growth strategy, or a better way of doing church evangelism. Others see missional as a means to mobilize church members to do missions more effectively. While still others believe missional is simply the latest Christian buzz word that will soon pass when the next trendy topic comes along.

However, we would argue that those who believe missional is merely an add-on to current church activities, or perhaps even a passing fad prevalent only among church leaders, have simply not fully grasped the theological and missiological magnitude of the missional conversation. While it may sound like hyperbole; the move towards missional involves no less than a complete and thorough recalibration of the form and function of the church of Jesus, as it attempts to discern how to participate in God’s mission. By bringing together some of today’s best missional thinkers and authors; we desire to assist God’s people in thinking deeply about God’s mission in the world.

Second, we want to ensure the missional conversation moves beyond theory. We want to inspire and propel the church to engage in God’s mission in life changing ways. That is why a significant feature of the conference will focus on practical engagement; through the stories and personal examples of some of the best missional practitioners around, participants will struggle with how to practically organize the church around God’s mission.

The conference will kick off with a book release party involving two new books that will be released in October; “The Road to Missional” by Michael Frost and “Sacrilege” by Hugh Halter. In addition to Frost and Halter other speakers throughout the conference will include Alan and Deb Hirsch, Dan Kimball, Neil Cole, Mike Breen, Lance Ford, Mindy Caliguire, Helen Lee, Kim Hammond, Michael Stewart, Eric Mason, Rickie Bradshaw, and Geoff and Sherry Maddock.

For more information on the conference schedule, speaker bios, and registration go to the Sentralized Conference website here. I hope to see you in KC this September.

Hospitality will not occur in any significant way in our lives, homes, or churches unless we give it deliberate attention. Because the practice has been mostly forgotten and because it conflicts with a number of contemporary values, we must intentionally nurture a commitment to hospitality. It must also be nurtured because its blessings and benefits are not always immediately apparent. Because hospitality is a way of life, it must be cultivated over a lifetime. We do not become good at hospitality in an instant; we learn it in small increments of daily faithfulness.

Many people who practice hospitality describe it as the best and hardest thing they have ever done. In their experience, its difficulty and its joys lie close together. They find it to be the best thing because of how often they sense God’s presence in the practice, because it is filled with unexpected blessings, because it is richly satisfying, and because of the opportunities it provides to become friends with so many different kinds of people.

Hospitality is difficult because it involves hard work. People wear out and struggle with limits. Our society places a high value on control, planning, and efficiency, but hospitality is unpredictable and often inefficient. We insist on measurable results and completed tasks, but the results of hospitality are impossible to quantify and the work of hospitality is rarely finished. Hospitality is also difficult today because of our overwhelming busyness. With already overburdened schedules, trying to offer substantial hospitality can drive us to despair. Most of us have significant responsibilities and hospitality cannot simply be added onto already impossible agendas. To offer hospitality, we will need to rethink and reshape our priorities.

– Making Room: Recovering Hospitality As a Christian Tradition by Christine Pohl

I am excited to say that the latest edition to the missional church literature, a book titled Right Here, Right Now, co-authored by Alan Hirsch and Lance Ford, will make the task of book recommendations much easier. Not only is “RHRN” an excellent introduction to the missional conversation, but it is really the best attempt to date, to equip all believers to live missionally regardless of “vocation or location.” The book is designed, as stated by Alan in the preface, to “make missional church what it should be: a movement of the whole people of God in every sphere and domain of society.”

The format of the book is unique to most co-authored books. As stated in the introduction, “The contents of the book are sandwiched between a briefing chapter (“Right Here”) in the beginning and a debriefing chapter (“Right Now”) at the end, both written by Alan. These are designed to provide a framework for new thinking and acting. The middle sections are written by Lance, but Alan inserts himself into the conversation all along the way, like a resident heckler or a built-in commentator of sorts.” I found this format to work well.

In Alan’s briefing chapter he provides an excellent summary of key missional ideas. This very accessible overview is organized around four movements, including the need to: move out (into missional engagement), move in (burrowing down, or incarnational living), move alongside (engaging in relational networks), and move from (challenging certain aspects of our culture). I believe this twenty-nine page chapter would serve as a very helpful introduction to anyone new to the conversation. In the last chapter of the book Alan challenges the reader to do more serious reflection on the nature of the church, mission and evangelism.

Sandwiched between Alan’s “bookend” chapters, Lance provides nine, very practical, yet significant chapters on topics including: cultivating “missionary eyes”, beholding others, rediscovering the joy of hospitality, and a chapter on the collective power of scattered believers living on mission, creatively titled “Salt Blocks and Salt Shakers.” While each of the nine “middle” chapters are replete with helpful illustrations and practical encouragements, in my opinion the most effective (or biting) chapters include a series of three chapters where Lance deals with the topic of Western affluence and the stranglehold it places on our attempts to live a truly missional lifestyle. One of my favorite lines in this section comes from a chapter titled “Freeing Ourselves to Live Missionally” where Lance writes, “Storage units have become the ‘spare tire’ around the waistline of American consumption.”

The bottom line is that there is much to like about this book. I am thankful to Alan and Lance for taking the time to create a resource that helps to turn theory into practical reality. The sub title of the book, which is “Everyday Mission for Everyday People” is certainly fitting. They have also created a website with additional resources, including videos that coincide with each chapter. You can find the site here.